Top 10 games worse than Mickey and Friends Food Fight played in 2024
December 12, 2024 | ≈ 1059 words | The Gang Inori Golfie Factory Funner Fictions: Memoirs of a Gangster The A.R.T. Project Farm Club Flip 7 Fled Fortify The White Castle
Top 10 games worse than Mickey and Friends Food Fight played in 2024
Inspo: https://boardgamegeek.com/geeklist/347897/10-worst-new-to-you-games-of-2024
Thank you Mat, for this wonderful christmas gift of salt.
10) the gang
Couldn’t have been more disheartened by my 2 plays. I wanted to love the game so bad, but it’s a game that was completely ruined by a group that couldn’t help quarterback and shit on the other players until they were too scared to make a mistake. Hated it, and hated feeling like I had to teach people at the table how to be nice. Fuck this game.
9) inori
I don’t think this game deserves to be on this list, but playing this game made me feel like board games lost their way. There’s another game further on that made me feel similarly, but I don’t think I want to play games where I collect colors. I’m ok with being the wrong target audience for this. But also fuck this game.
8) golfie
This is not actually a game that I think is worse than mickey and friends food fight, I just want you to know that this game exists, and is almost identical to the bingo of duck and cover, but the only difference is that you don’t get to say QUACK, and so is on this list. Fuck this game, but not really it’s kinda fun.
7) factory funner
I really thought I would like this game despite Corné van Moorsel being extremely Dutch and thinking the Dutch also invented the scientific consensus on Covid https://x.com/AllplayHQ/status/1499793439092883463. To paraphrase, in response to a publisher stepping away from partnering with Corné because their views on Covid weren’t consistent with scientific consensus, they said
“not consistent with scientific consensus”? Not true. But here in NL for example our state scientists calculated that the mass production & distribution & use of masks costs more life years than it possibly could save. Sorry about telling about the Dutch “scientific consensus”.
Sick.
Anyway, it was secretly a pickup and deliver game and I’m hardwired to find them to be a dry optimization puzzle. One day I’ll have fun playing one. Fuck this game.
7) DOUBLE FEATURE: Fictions: Memoirs of a Gangster & The A.R.T. Project
These are both the same game. I had to laugh when I learned Fictions was a co-op yahtzee style dice game with icons on cards determining action strength. To the uninitiated, A.R.T Project is also a co-op yahtzee style dice game with icons on cards determining action strength. To be honest I barely remember anything about what I was thinking about when playing, which usually means it’s a good game for playing while chatting, but obviously since it’s on this list there was a criminal lack of chatting during these plays. I rarely have fun playing co-op games unless they’re with my friend who plays a shitload of them so we play them As God Intended, on the hardest difficulty. These games did not change that. Fuck these games.
7) flip 7
What a cooler of a game. The only reason this game sucked was because we tried to play with 9 people. It’s not fun when you have to wait for 8 people to hum and ha over who to freeze, and it’s not fun when you haven’t taken a damn turn yet and the player before you freezes you because “sorry I gotta target the player right after me, it’s fair”. Fuck this game. You know what I wouldn’t even play this game with 4 people this game sucks the life out of push your luck and makes it into number munchers math. Fuck. This. Game.
6) farm club
AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH FUCK THIS GAME!!!!!!!!! AND FUCK FLIP 7 AHHHHHHHH
7) fled
Wow disappointment of the century. Feudum creator’s next game and wow does it miss the mark on everything that went right with Feudum. No fantastical theme, no crunch to the decisions, whimsy and playfulness of attacking other players gone. What’s left is a dry tile placement puzzle with the same opaque layered rule style. Cones of Dunshire without the cones or the dunshire. Heartbreaker. Fuck this game.
6) fortify
I didn’t know you could make a realtime game bad, but this was so incredibly bad that if i was allowed I would have put fortify on every spot on this list with a paragraph in each rank describing how unfun AND unfair it is to play a game where the box cover is showing characters having so much fun in a water balloon fight and then what you’re actually doing is inane and repetitive and pointless and has the dryness of listening to your least favorite school teacher drone on and on about your least favorite subject with the constant dry smacking of chalk on a chalkboard. Another massive disappointment. Fuck this game.
==================POWER GAP====================
1) White castle
Here she is, the anti-paul board game white whale. I never knew it would truly be possible, but a game so grotesquely euro and so confident in its gameplay that it is the perfect weapon against my brain. As if I, as a player, tried to understand this game using all my experience and knowledge and the game opened itself up as the void of nothingness; where no object or text or graphic could possibly let me grab and catch on to the theme and setting to understand the point of what the fuck i’m actually doing. Ok, I’m looking through my options and now I’ll go to this right side to get some…points? And this left side to get…points? I think after I played this game I thought “huh, I think I hate board games. If this is what all board games become, I think I am done with this hobby.” As if the game, as a black hole of optimal game design and flawless engine-building action combo gameplay, consumed me and spat me out into a puddle of non-existence. I am nothing when compared to this game. I will never be anything. I accept that this is what a perfect board game is, and that dexterity games and push your luck games and pub games will never shine next to the perfect brutalist design of White Castle. Fuck this game.